stream of consciousness

stream of consciousness

Should I continue reading the new book I purchased? Maybe, wait… Actually, I should write. No, how about I go live on my Facebook wall. UGH. Scroll through Pinterest for hours? Sure. Or, you know what, I should be productive and get ahead on my coursework so that I can spend more time with “Bug” tomorrow.

It’s 11:00 at night.

I always feel so damn busy. It is as if my life has taken the form of a written, paper planner, and instead of scheduling tasks/event by the hour, mine are subconsciously penciled in by the seconds. You don’t have to be a mama or a wife to feel this way. If you are living and breathing, you sure as hell know what I am talkin’ about. Am I right?

I see it with my husband who is in the beginning stages of his flight training. From the moment he wakes in the morning, to the second his head hits the pillow at night, he is flat out. Might I add, sacrificing endlessly for our beautiful little family. If you are reading this, I love you baby.

We constantly make side remarks here and there, commenting on how crazy life has gotten from the moment I said “YES” on November 8, 2016 (the date of our engagement). But, that is a story for another time.

So, tonight as my husband and I ate our frozen cauliflower-crust margarita pizza and pesto-style cellophane noodles at 8:30 at night, I noticed myself feeling super anxious. Why? There was nothing in particular on my mind. I had nothing to worry about. And that is exactly it y’all. You might find comfort in knowing that my mind (and yours), are naturally wired to worry. It means that you are H U M A N. So, when you sit there, and your mind is racing and you start to feel anxious and physically symptomatic, you’re not alone.

I came across the topic of our “wired-to-worry” brains in a Psychology course that I had taken last semester. It served as truly thought-provoking and I haven’t been able to shake it since. It is quite the phenomenon.

So y’all, I am not a Psychologist. Therefore, I am not diagnosing you with a “worried brain.” No, I am just an average wifey and mama giving y’all a bit of nightly inspo (and well-needed affirmation) before we embark on our carefree, comfy-cozy weekend vibes. I’m here to tell you that it is S O normal to worry, to feel anxious, and to not understand why. You are normal. I am normal. We are all normal, and we are all in this together.

So let me tell ya, one thing is for damn sure – I will never complain about being busy ever freaking again.

Do not look towards the destination as a place of solace, peace, and tranquility. Rather, find solace, peace, and tranquility throughout your journey (to your destination).


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