mama talk #3: the word no + starting afresh

mama talk #3: the word no + starting afresh

#Momlife is challenging at times.

Hearing the word no is challenging at times.

Starting new is challenging at times.

It is 12:30 AM. I have spent the last hour writing on the word ‘no’ and starting new and just as I clicked the “Publish” icon, my work vanished. I am jittery from the cold, overly heated, half cup of Nespresso that I have been nursing for the past hour or so.  I am exhausted, with a long day ahead of me today.  Random, but likely, I am dehydrated.  I want nothing more than to close my eyes, and call it a night.  But, I. Just. Can’t.  Y’all need to hear these words.

As I write this, I reminisce on the infamous and inherited, striped Rhode Island couch that I am resting on. The couch that I have endlessly pleaded with my husband to get rid of. The same couch, that carries so many memories deep in its cushions. From the nights that my now husband, then boyfriend and I, would snuggle up on to β€œwatch the -Flix” to the months on end that I used this same couch as a bed outside of my then newborn daughter’s room while my husband was away at Officer Training School. My legs outstretched, rest upon the coffee table that I have in similar fashion inherited from my childhood home. The trains blare in the background, and I cannot help but feel nostalgic, though I am not sure why.

So, let’s talk about the word ’no.’ Although, like many of y’all, I find it to be such a challenging word to often use, though I literally hear it all the dang time. No Alyssa, you’ll never be a writer. No Alyssa this, and no Alyssa that.

No, no, no.

Oh, and as of present, lovely Instagram told me ’no.’  No, I was not able to follow or friend any new accounts.  And for once, for once in my 24-years of living, I told Instagram ’no.’  I told my old way of thinking and living, and so quick to accepting the word ’no,’ HELL, NO.  This mama took her nearly 2k followers (and never, ever again accepting the word β€˜no’) ass to a freshly created Instagram with ZERO followers.

Lesson mamas, the next time you hear the word β€˜no,’ be fearless, be courageous. Words of wisdom: If you cannot get in through the door, try the window, try the damn chimney if you have to.  You get yourself in, even if it is by the grace of God.

Now, this leads to my discussion on starting new, which I might add, is just going to skim the surface.

Initial thoughts on starting new.  It is scary.  It is intimidating.  It is anxiety provoking, crippling.  To be completely honest, the image of a light-less tunnel comes quick to mind.

When I lost all of my work, I was literally shattered.  My heart dropped.  How, how was I ever going to write anything as good as what I initially wrote?

From my freshened perspective, let me tell you.

How was the second time you drove a car verses the first time?  How was your second day of motherhood better (in terms of your mothering) than it was the first?  Simple, practice makes perfect.  Each time we do something, out of the mere principals of practice, we unequivocally get better and better.  I cringe looking at my writing from last week, let alone months ago.

The thought of change is scary, let alone starting anew from complete scratch. It takes us out of our element and comfort zone. It sends us into an airspace where the words “impossible” and “wasted time” fester and all consume us.

But let me open your eyes mamas. Let us look at the simplified version of starting new. Starting new, is like planting grass seedlings in an empty dirt field, with the intentions and utter hope of propagating grass. Why is it that we don’t work ourselves up as to whether or not the grass will grow, or how green, or how lush it will be? No, we just throw the seeds and hope and pray for the best. We tend to it, showering it in TLC. We inherently know that the grass will at some point turn up, it may just take time, and it may just surprise us by growing in random patches.

Life is the same way.  Sure, a new relationship, a new home, a new business venture, they all are intimidating (and maybe for some, subconsciously thrilling), but once we realize that we are in complete control, that we hold the pen to paper for the book of our lives, our perspective shifts.

Moving on from my old Instagram account was probably one of the more difficult losses I have recently weathered. I could not help but stare at my profile, reflecting on the the late nights and time spent away from my family. I could not help but admire my growth throughout the months. The fear of being unable to replicate my soon-to-be old profile crippled me. . .

. . . until God had shifted my perspective.  There was absolutely no need to replicate what I once had or did, because everything that I do from here on out will be even better.  Not only from the added months of experience that I have under my belt, but from the sparks of determination and motivation that had initially fueled this change.  Time is never wasted, because without each past moment, we would never be able to make the next step forward. 

You can call your high school boyfriend a mistake all you want mama (and chances are he probably was, in literal terms that is), but big picture wise, he was exactly what you needed in that time of your life.  He was exactly what you needed to get you where you are right now.

Take my unfinished Bachelor’s degree and countlessly changed majors (from two institutions I may add) for instance. They truly were the farthest thing from a waste.  Just because I never finished my Bachelor’s degree the second time around, does not mean that I wasted my time.  Your negative mindset and the Devil himself may try to convince you otherwise, but I am here to tell you mama that it could not be any more false.

Point being, you are exactly where you need to be mama, and every past experience before this led you to where you are standing right now.

You may not always see the correlation between your stepping stones and successes, but the few that you do see, those should serve to you as proof, and proof enough that stepping stones are important and meaningful.

So mama, embrace change, because no one grows in their comfort zone.

Remember we grow through what we go through, and accepting the almighty powerful word β€˜no’ and denying the change presented to you, is only limiting you from becoming the person that you were so beautifully crafted to become.

Be a badass mama, tell the word ‘no,’ no and wholeheartedly embrace the new.

With love from OK,

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